| (no subject) |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|01:27 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  dirty | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | The Cure - The End of the World | ] |
Aaaaah. The air is cool and life is great. Nothing could ruin this holiday. Sure, there are ups and downs... but it's all gravy. This seems to be like... my mushy journal. I always get into my real thoughts on here as opposed to my Xanga and My Space.
But yeah, life seems to be going pretty good. Last night my mom's family got together because they aren't able to get together on Christmas. Man, am I glad that's over. All my mom's siblings were like MAJOR drug heads. Haha. They all kept talking about drug stories. I think they're still all on crack. I wouldn't put it past them.
Anywho... I love The Cure. And I love Chas. And I'm in desperate need of a shower, so I'm going to go. <3 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|12:49 am] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Sunny Day Real Estate | ] |
Christmas trees are magical. I think Christmas is just magical altogether. It's not as special as it used to be though. When I was younger, it seemed so much more important. The feeling. The smell. The taste. Why is it that when you grow older, things fade? It hurts to know that I will never go back to being that little child, with ambitions, hopes, innocence.
Then there are the advantages of growing older. Such as finding yourself, growing closer to your real friends, and, of course, falling in love. And what a wonderful feeling that is. To finally be able to let go.
Even if he were not mine. Even if I didn't not have the privilege of calling him my own or hearing him whisper those sweet words into my ears, I would still settle to just be able to sit there and soak up his presence. To watch him breathe. To watch him close his eyes and wonder what's running through his head. There must be a God. And what a wonderful and intricate God he is to design someone so perfect. So detailed. So loveable. So wonderful.
But luckily enough, I can call him my own. And I will never take him for granted. He is my inspiration. My reason. My joy. What a wonderful feeling. But not just a feeling. The fact of knowing. For the first time in my life, I am content. And confident. And, best of all, loved. |
|
|
| I'm annoyed |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|08:25 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Sunny Day Real Estate | ] |
And... I don't know why. Grrrrr.
Tonight is supposed to be a lunar eclipse. It's supposed to be full at approximately 9:23.
I'm more excited about 10:30 when Chas usually calls. I got aggravated at him for a stupid reason. But, I still want him to call and apologize. He's so wonderful. The stupid thing is tho, I probably won't tell him that I was aggravated. But, if I did, he would surely apologize. Because he's sweet like that. The best, actually. |
|
|
| Hmmmm... |
[Oct. 20th, 2004|08:37 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Bright Eyes - Lover I Don't Have to Love | ] |
Isn't it great the way music can literally... bring you back in time?...
I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.
I said, "I like your shoes."
You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view-
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time...
Now it's two o'clock-
the club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me; pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where is the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure
I got the money if you've got the time
You said, "It feels good."
I said, "I'll give it a try."
Then my mind went dark-
we both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
and the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where is the kid with the chemicals
I have a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seem to slip my mind
But you..
But you...
you write
such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
then hurt me..
then hurt me...
then hurt me... |
|
|
| Everytime I close my eyes... |
[Oct. 13th, 2004|11:06 am] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Frou Frou - Let Go | ] |
Life is good lately. Alot of changes and some struggles. But all are well worth it. I just gotta keep perservering and I think everything will be ok. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2004|01:39 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Bright Eyes | ] |
'So please forgive what I have done
But you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired
I mean, eventually there is nothing left to do but sleep...'
Oh yes, another one of my entries when I am left alone to t h i n k. it sucks. Today sucked. Yesterday sucked even more.
'And I wrote a letter to my family
And said "it's not your fault
you've been good to me
It's just, lately I've been feeling like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon"'
I don't really know how to express what I'm feeling write now. I've just been sort of emotional for the past two days.
'And I sat watching the flower as it was withering
I was embarassed by its honesty
So, I prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck that's taken its place'
I'm sure all of these feelings will pass in 5 to 7 days, if anyone catches my drift. Haha. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2004|11:22 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  touched | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Yeah Yeah Yeah's | ] |
Now is one of those times when I think... hard. Just about things. About how to deal with things. Or maybe I should say, how I don't deal with things. But, I have to say that I have been loving life lately. It's really interesting and fun. The people that I have been hanging around with keep it that way. Like Chas. I have to admit, when I first met him, he was a jerk. But now he is a totally different person. And a great boyfriend. I am really lucky. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2004|10:41 am] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | chasing furies | ] |
blah blah blah blah blah... yup. i don't really have anything to write. school is starting in like a week and a half. that sucks. thinking about it makes me cringe and gag at the same time. oh well. the sooner we start, the sooner it's over. HA! |
|
|
| These Events are u n e v e n t f u l |
[Jul. 27th, 2004|08:08 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Modest Mouse | ] |
...bleh. Life is good. Strange, but good. I'm free now. Haha. No more being grounded for me. I'm quitting that. Well, I'll just be keeping more on the down low, if ya know what I mean. But people will be in my business assuming crap about me anyway. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2004|03:02 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Eisley : Laughing City | ] |
Life is s t r a n ge ... and u p s e t t i n g ... yet somehow s a t i s f y i n g . Then again, not f u l f i l l i n g. W h a t am i looking for? Because... I really d o n ' t k n o w where I'm going. Or w h a t I'm doing. Or w h o to l o v e ... |
|
|
| Here's my life... |
[Jul. 5th, 2004|03:04 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Modest Mouse : The Moon and Antarctica | ] |
Work. Not sleeping enough. Dealing with stupid people all the time. Being a P.I.M.P... tada! It's me! |
|
|
| ...bleh |
[Jul. 1st, 2004|01:24 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Commander Venus | ] |
It's just me and my HOE!!!! God, I love her so much. Haha. Good times. Good times. :) |
|
|
| step off this ledge... i swear you'll fly |
[Jun. 20th, 2004|03:53 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Modest Mouse | ] |
so. life has been pretty sucky lately. being grounded. getting more grounded. then, when i thought things couldn't get any worse. getting more grounded. haha.
hmmmmmmm. my friends are amazing! the one's that i've been talking to the most lately are~ matt, kristin, garrett, and josh u. yeah.
man, i am so tired. i wish i had more interesting things to write about. but everytime i wish for that, really bad things start to occurr. so, i'm not going to wish too hard. haha.
i love you all! |
|
|
| Bleh... |
[Jun. 13th, 2004|02:20 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| | cynical | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Modest Mouse | ] |
Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Looking kind of anxious in your cross armed stance. Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance. And I claim I’m not excited with my life any more. So I blame this town, this job, these friends. The truth is it’s myself. And I’m trying to understand myself And pinpoint where I am. By the time I get things figured out I’ve change the whole damn plan
Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Talking shit about a pretty sunset. Blanketing opinions that I’ll probably reget soon.
I’ve changed my mind so much I cant even trust it. My mind changed me so much I cant even trust myself.
Im sorry
I saw your mouth moving but all I heard was 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm here to stab you in the back.' |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2004|05:03 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Rilo Kiley : The Execution of All Things | ] |
So...I'm driving down the street just minding my own business, when for some idiotic reason, i decide to switch lanes. [.:yeah, wrong choice:.]
well, all of a sudden, these flashing lights go off as well as a siren ...confusion overwhelmed me because, they weren't cop lights. and, there was no where to pull over.
so... i drive a little ways and finally pull over. [.:little did i know what was about to happen next:.]
a guy [.who greatly resembles Mr. Barca.] gets out of his truck and runs towards me with a visible gun wrapped around his waist.
this is how the conversation went.
Mr. Barca looking man: 'GIVE ME YOUR LICENSE, PROOF OF INSURANCE, AND REGISTRATION. DO YOU HAVE DRUGS? DO YOU HAVE NARCOTICS? HOW OLD ARE YOU? DO YOU HAVE ANY WEAPONS? ARE YOU SURE? ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE DRUGS? WHY DID YOU HESITATE TO PULL OVER?'
little, innocent me: 'umm... heh. i don't know what my proof of insurance or registration looks like, but you can have this big envelope of papers that is in my glove compartment. no sir. i don't have any drugs, narcotics, or weapons. i'm 16. yes, i'm sure. i didn't know where to pull over. i didn't want to just stop traffic. i was confused.
Mr. Barca looking man: 'WELL WE ARE THE UNDERCOVER NARCOTICS POLICE. IF I WOULD HAVE HAD TO CUT YOU OFF AND PULL YOU OVER, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ANOTHER STORY. GET OUT OF THE CAR. ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE DRUGS?'
little, innocent me: gets out of the car 'umm... you can search if you want... i don't have any drugs' :tear:
Mr. Barca looking man: "NAW, I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT TROUBLE. I DON'T SMELL ANY DOPE. YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE. BE CAREFUL. HERE'S YOUR LICENSE. GOOD NIGHT!
what a wicked web we weave... |
|
|
| So0o0o0o0o0o... |
[Jun. 8th, 2004|12:15 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Ben Kweller | ] |
i wanna kill this man
but he turned around and ran
i'll kill him with karate
that i learned in japan
he wouldn't see my face
i wouldn't leave a trace
i wouldn't use a bullet
cause a bullet's a disgrace
oh, mom, i never thought that i was a murdering man
but tonight i'm on my way
tonight i'm on my way
there's this drawer that i know
in a house up the road
that's full of things
that are easily sold
when they go out of town
i could go and snoop around
and make myself rich
off the things that i've found
oh, mom, i never thought that i was a stealing man
but tonight i'm on my way
tonight i'm on my way
i was sitting on the bleacher
staring at the speaker
reading his lips
but i could not understand
so i opened up my ears
and clearly i could hear
this detailed story
all about a grain of sand
oh, mom, i always dreamt of being a good listener
so tonight i'm on my way
tonight i'm on my way
there's this kid
you gotta meet
he lives across the street
he's got spirit and heart
we're ten years apart
he is up for anything
he can't hang with anyone
he's still likes the things
we used to think were fun
oh, mom, i never thought that i could have a friend
but tonight i'm on my way
tonight i'm on my way
i'm in love with someone
who's as pretty as a flower
her life gives me power
so i'm buying her a ring
she makes hats with her hands
she is such an artist
i'm her biggest fan
and i'm teaching her to sing
oh, mom, i never thought that i could love no one
but tonight i'm on my way
tonight i'm on my way |
|
|
| paint it black... |
[Jun. 5th, 2004|01:19 am] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | The Agony Scene | ] |
i'm at kristin's yay!
i love her so darn much! well...tonight, we went to yet ANOTHER show. it was great fun. well...as we all know things have been changing lately. but change is definitely good. i love my friends. i love kristin. i love josh. i love matt!!! i love chris. i love ethan. and yes, i love nathan too. haha.
kristin and i just have a knack for making fun of people with disabilities. especially people with deformed hands. hahahaha. well, there just seems to be a numerous amount of people with these such 'deformities'. yeah. one was at the show and it just made my night!
also. there was another chick with crutches. haha. she didn't just walk with them, or hop. but she ran! yeah, that's right. ran around the stage. and at one point, one of her crutches got fricken' stolen. i wish it would have been me that stole it! haha.
well yeah, we also met some cool people. like: sean, cary (sp?), nipples, chelsie, and steve. yay! all new friends! hmmmm. can't wait to see them all again at the twelve guage show next week! hmmmmm. yes indeed! |
|
|
| What few words could possibly sum up MY life? |
[Jun. 2nd, 2004|09:37 am] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Interpol : Hands Away | ] |
Last night was pretty fun. Out of all of the bands, my two favorite were ClearMotive and The Black Halos. Philmore was pretty good as well. And [.:as Matt stated on his xanga:.] I didn't see Haste because I couldn't find the gum for Nathan's poopy breath anywhere! AAAAAh. I think finding the gum was way worth it though. Haha. So, we were really in a rush on the way home from the show so Josh drove. Thank you Josh for being a really fast driver. Haha. Because of you I was only 12 minutes late instead of 30. Anyways. I think I'm driving to the show tonight. If the weather permits. Hopefully it will! |
|
|
| Blistered... |
[May. 27th, 2004|06:32 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Dead Poetic : Four Wall Blackmail | ] |
HmMmMmMmMm....
Bleed one more time for me.
'Cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
And this world is filled with loneliness.
Bleed one more time for me.
'Cause the struggles of this world are blistering. Blistering.
I guess that's all I have to say. It's all I ever have to say these days... |
|
|
| The Great Decay... |
[May. 26th, 2004|12:42 pm] |
| [ | feel.my.heart. |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | humming.along.to. |
| | Cursive : The Ugly Organ | ] |
Cursive is so awesome. I can't stop listening to them. Anyways...on to more important matters. I love my friends. I feel extremely distant tho...............
'Tis a harsh cruel world out there.... |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xemoxforxyoux's journal